Bear On a Rampage
A bear jumps out of a bush and starts chasing two hikers. They both start running for their lives, but then one of them stops to put on his running shoes. His friends says, "What are you doing? You can't outrun a bear!" His friend replies, "I don't have to outrun the bear; I only have to outrun you!"


Blonde in Disguise
Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown. She goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road. "Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?" she asks. The shepherd agrees. She blurts out, "352!" The shepherd is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep. "I'll take this one," she says proudly. "It's the cutest!" "Hey lady," says the shepherd. "If I guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"


A Wrinkle in Time
A little girl got on her grandpa's lap and said, "Did God make me?"
"Yes," the grandpa replied.
"Did God make you too?"
"Yes," the grandpa said.
"Well," the little girl said, looking at his wrinkles and thinning hair. "He sure is doing a better job nowadays!"


Big Trouble
A very tall ninth grader was acting up in class. His teacher told him, "Act your age, not your shoe size." The boy looked down at his size 14 shoes and said, "But they're the same."


Harry & Martha
Harry and Martha drank their coffee as they listened to the morning weather report. "There will be three to five inches of snow today. You must park your cars on the odd-numbered side of the street." Harry got up from his coffee to move the car.

Two days later, they sat down with their cup of coffee and listened the weather forecast. "There will be two to four inches of snow today. You must park your cars on the even-numbered side of the street." Harry got up from his coffee to move the car.

Three days later, they tuned in to the weather report. "There will be six to eight inches of snow today. You must park your cars on the... ." The power went off. He said to Martha, "What am I going to do now?" Martha said, "Just leave the car in the garage."


The Wrong Way
A senior citizen was driving down the freeway when his wife called his cell phone. "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!" "It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"


Truck Driver & The Bikers
A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.

One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.

As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"

"He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."